Little Arwen

name: Elbi

date entered: 28/07/2006

country: Australia

story:

I am a new mum of a 3 month old girl called Arwen. Motherhood was very traumatic in the first few days of her life as she had ceased to breastfeed and was later diagnosed with a bowel disease called Hirshbrungs. I became increasingly more agitated as the midwives didn't acknowledge the seriousness of her lack of being able to suck. They kept telling me that Arwen was tired from the long birth and that it was normal for babies to sleep all day after being born. Being a health professional I knew that all babies can suck as it is a natural reflex and she was sucking well for the first 12 hours. Even my husband sided with the nurses and everybody looked on at our sleeping princess saying "what a good baby she was" while I was counting the hours since she ceased feeding which was getting on to 9 hours. Finally I found a lactation consultant who was also a midwife on the ward to try to encourage Arwen to feed. He attempted to wake her with little success and fortunately trusted my knowledge and instincts even though I was a new mum and took us down to the paediatric emergency department very late into the night. It was here that she rapidly declined and became totally listless and didn't even respond to a gelco being placed into her veins nor a tube placed down her throat. I was a total mess as I knew she was in major strife although my husband not being medically trained continued to think it was a good sign that she was so calm (ignorance is bliss). Anyway after 2 days in intensive care and on a drip, Arwen steadily recovered and was able to poo easily and she began feeding as well.

Then began the journey of trying to find out what had made her so constipated, and after many tests including bowel biopsies and blood tests she was diagnosed with a bowel condition that required surgery when she would be 3 weeks old. The specialists were unable to tell us if she needed the whole of her large bowel removed or only a portion; we would need to wait for the day of the surgery when more bowel biopsies would be taken. So 3 weeks passed and every day we were on tender-hooks making sure she wouldn't become constipated and that she fed well. We also had to manually place our little finger up her bottom to allow her to pass poo and wind if we were concerned that she was uncomfortable at all.

After 3 weeks of close observation the operation was performed and she needed only a small part of her bowel cut out and a 3 day hospital stay. My husband and I were so relieved to be taking home a healthy baby so we thought. Unfortunately after another 2 weeks at home she once again ceased to feed and we needed to rush her in to hospital where she was admitted for 5 days with a bowel infection and treated with 3 different types of antibiotics. As you can probably imagine we were both emotional wrecks. In these first 7 weeks I really didn't have any time to think about anything except my baby's health and I became very sleep deprived and anxious. I needed a calming tonic to help me sleep and also a hormone balancing tonic which was prescribed by my naturopath. I was given the option of going on antidepressants which I declined as I knew my anxiety was sleep related rather than true PND.

Now that the worst is over I have been able to get to know my little girl and experience a "normal" motherhood. I am still shell shocked from the rocky start into becoming a mum and I notice I become easily stressed if Arwen displays any signs of being unwell. I am aware I need to chat to friends and professionals about this stress to help me adjust to motherhood. I have found the 24 hour help line with Child and Youth Health to be a godsend.

At the moment I do miss my professional life however being Arwen's primary carer is more important than anything else. I am constantly amazed at how I can really only achieve one job a day and that catching up on sleep has become my greatest pursuit in life. So far I have no regrets about being a mum and if I feel a little grumpy or frustrated at the lack of sleep, Arwen will giggle and show complete unconditional love towards me. This gives me the greatest surge of love and strength to try and be the best mum I can be for her.

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