Different Stages

name: Janice

date entered: 23/08/2008

country: United Kingdom

Administrator's note: Janice has agreed to include her email to me as a submission to document her experience of  the stage she now finds herself in with teenage children.  I also wonder if other mums at a similar stage can relate to what Janice says. You can find Janice's feedback at the bottom of the homepage that I published up in August 2008.  Reading it will help to add context to the submission below.

story:

I felt quite emotional to read my response on the homepage of your website. If I'm honest I actually felt acknowledged as a person for the first time and that I am not alone. That is one thing that stands out for me now more than at any other time, the isolation of being at home.

After travelling we made the mistake of thinking that we would all settle back into to the routine of life easily, how wrong could we have been.

The first thing, was thinking the best thing to do was to let our children step straight back into secondary school, this has been so difficult that after six months they are both now at home and being home educated, as our lives changed so much we don't seem to 'fit' as such within the mainstream of our culture anymore. This in itself has been difficult for me, as I am unsure exactly what I'm meant to be doing with my teens now and have full responsibility for their academic learning and all round education, my job of educating them I honestly believe was fulfilled whilst away. I have shown them difference, other cultures, exploration and to come back to what is perceived as the correct way of educating within our culture does not fit anymore.

Yet, their lives seem to go on, where my life seems externally to be at a standstill. I feel physically static and yet emotionally I am dealing with all the issues that being at home brings. If I'm honest I was happier away and have decided what I want from the future. My husband and I have mutual goals and are working towards changing our lives completely.

I worry and I wonder how it will all turn out, but at the same time get glimpses of the trust within me and how I am guiding my own path. I understand how little there seems to be of me in the role of a mother. I realize, that without realizing it I have had to learn so much to be the kind of mother that I wanted to be for my children that I had to let the threads that hold me, go so loosely, that I could hardly feel myself. Now I am working through adjusting that, after having the experience of me in my life alongside my family, I have recognised that what I bring is as beneficial as what I have learned but in a way I still don't get it fully. It’s a tough journey!

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