A New Journey

name: Casper

date entered: 01/03/2007

country: Australia

story:

My first experience of motherhood has been such a rollercoaster ride filled with joy, sadness, anxiety & not to mention worry. I always dreamed my pregnancy & then being a mother would be like those wonderful "Huggies ads", full of love, joy & overwhelming happiness. How naive I was. My husband & I were overjoyed to find out we were pregnant but when I started spotting at 6 weeks the joy turned into total & utter fear of losing this little person we had created. It was a Sunday (of course!) & so off to emergency we went.

An ultrasound was performed & to our horror the emergency doctor informed us that it looked like our baby had died. There was a womb but no embryo. He wanted us to return in a week for a repeat ultrasound & more than likely a curette would be required. We left the hospital in total dismay; what joy we felt had so quickly turned into fear & overwhelming sadness. It was a very long week filled with lots of tears & a head full of questions wanting to know why - "Why did this have to happen, what did I do wrong??" My little embryo had only been with me for a very short period but during that time I had already fallen in love with him/her. I spent the week in bed a total mess & could think of nothing else but this little person inside of me and willing him/her to have the strength to survive.

A week later after advice from our own doctor we had an appointment with a doctor for a private ultrasound. We waited nervously in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women of all shapes & sizes & I found it just too much to bear. I so wanted to be one of those proud pregnant mums to be, & to know that I might not be just broke my heart. Our time arrived & I tried to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, walking into the doctors room I convinced myself I had lost my darling baby & that I would be booked in for a curette within days.

What we saw & heard on that ultrasound screen to this day brings tears to my eyes, not tears of sadness but tears of joy! Our wonderful doctor informed us that our little baby was indeed alive & kicking & that with a heartbeat as loud as that he didn't know how the hospital could have missed it!! The overwhelming joy, happiness & relief we felt is still to this day indescribable. My husband & I shared tears on the bed & I gave our doctor the biggest hug he has ever received I am sure. We left the room smiles on our faces - "We were going to be parents!!"

Weeks afterwards we were still confused as to how the hospital got it wrong. What were they looking at? And how could they not see what our doctor saw? Putting us through that week which was so full of sadness, anxiety & so much stress when it wasn't warranted could have made me miscarry in itself! Not to mention if we had gone back there for a repeat scan & they still not found anything fills me with fear! We have & will never return to that emergency room.

On June 20th, 2006 - 10 days late & after being induced & 4.5 hours later our beautiful bouncing baby boy Stephen James arrived weighing a healthy 9 pound 8 ounces. We just love him so much & he fills our lives with complete joy & happiness. In closing what I wanted to share with anyone that reads my story is please always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS get a second opinion....

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