A Little Left of Centre

17 February 2007

Last week a group of mothers at the school started a support group.  It was for mums of a little 'left of centre' kids at the school.  The meeting was a great success and hopes to continue once a fortnight.  Most of the kids in focus had Autism or Aspergers in some form - the mum who started it has a son with Autism.  My eldest doesn't, but he is certainly a little 'left of centre'!

I got chatting to one mum of two who has a child at school with Aspergers, not to mention a number of other issues.  She described the challenges that she has with her child and how awful it was that it often gets to the point of yelling - feeling so frayed because of her child's behaviour, exhausted, and at her wits end. 

Now of course there are many implications for social policy in this gutsy admission, not least the need for greater support to mums caring for a child with a disability.  But what struck me the most was this mum's comment of "I just don't sound like 'me' anymore", and her commitment to do everything in her power to improve the way she communicates to her child - to sound more like the woman she believes herself to be.

I thought that this was such a refreshing spin on parenting.  We are, more than ever now, bombarded by 'how to' books and expert opinions on what successful parenting looks like.  In fact, everyone seems to have an opinion about how we should parent; what mums should and shouldn't be doing - even those proverbial grannies in the supermarket (God bless their souls and keep them mute).  At the centre of it all seems to be a belief that there is some sort of (often elusive) standard of parenting - a little mental checklist that you carry around with you; a code of conduct for 'good' parenting and 'bad' parenting.

This woman, while herself not exempt from the judgment that this code of conduct often unfairly imposes, taught me the value of being a little 'left of centre' and using yourself as the plumb line.  Have you become a stranger in your own body?  How do you remember this woman to be?  Sure, listen to the experts but don't forget to listen to the expert inside.  The one that knows who you really are and what that means for your parenting.  Maybe it's not a little 'left of centre' after all.  Maybe it's about getting back to the centre of you.

______________________