I love a good w(h)ine

26 March 2007

It’s funny how when you have a ‘real job’, a paid job I mean, that talking about the not-so-pleasant things of that day is seen as debriefing, gossiping, off-loading, or reflecting even.  Your colleagues or your partner would roll their eyes in disbelief and empathy as you recount how painfully boring the team meeting was; how p*ssed off you were that you lost your most lucrative contract to the opposition.  They would patiently let you rant for a minute.  You might also tell them about how sweet it was that you got a thankyou note in the mail, or that your recommendations for a more efficient client management system finally got improved.  But even if you don’t, you won’t be seen as imbalanced, too negative, complaining or whining.  You are just telling it like it is.

Sure, we all know the type who is a class A whiner. Nothing is ever good enough – the food at the restaurant is too cold, the waiter is too slow, the meat too rare, the pasta overdone…….  There is no balanced commentary, just whine, whine, whine, the whole time.

OK, on the flip-side it’s true, some people do seem to be able to roll with the punches more – in everything.  They just have the same wistful smile in the calm and in the storm.  But for the rest of us mere mortals, life is a wonderful mix of colours. The same is true for motherhood. There are bright yellow happy moments, tranquil fern-green moments, red angry moments, hectically blotchy hormonal moments, black moments, and satisfying sky-blue moments. Us mums should feel free to discuss all the colours of our day; our life; without being labelled a ‘whiner’.

So it was with interest that I hopped onto a parenting website the other day and read some posts about what people thought of women who discuss the realities of being a mother.  There were some that unapologetically told the truths of their experience (the good bits and not-so-good bits) and others who seemed tentative to identify with ‘those women’, or who were less than supportive:

Oh, please, us mum’s are only human for God’s sake.  And it’s not just the non-mums and non-parents that have to remember that – sometimes us mums are the worst critics of each other.  Just because the children came from our bodies and we love them dearly doesn’t mean that raising them is a piece of cake.  I fail to see what is so taboo about mum’s having a little debriefing/ reflective time.  Are people scared that they are going to morph into a monster because they have uttered some discontentment?  What is society so afraid of?

So if someone disparagingly suggests that you’re having a whine, pull out your favourite Cabernet Sauvignon and tell them how right they are – here’s to health and a good RED wine!

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