mummy i want to stay home

dropped ds2 off at childcare today and it never seems to get any easier when they burst into tears and say that they just want to be at home. i felt like such a meany saying "b/c mummy needs a break" (and it was never any easier saying "b/c mummy needs to go to work".

i know it's building resilience in him etc. it just really pulls at the heart strings - making them do something that they don't want to do.

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poppyg

Me - 37
DH - 39

  #3      

must be tough...

on both of you... Have you thought of asking the childcare staff to write a note for you about how long it took him to settle in? My guess is it might be 5, 10 15 mins before he's forgotten about the tears.

It's probably tougher for you than for him, because he knows the minute he's ok, you're spending the whole time wondering how he is!

I hope it does get easier for you soon. Try to enjoy your 'break' and make the most of it! Do you deliberately do things that are hard to do with him around, some sort of sporting activity, or fidly craft or something, or is it just housework or grocery shopping?

Enjoy, whatever you get up to.

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Cookiemother2
"Bubble" born 2 July 2007.

  #4      

agreed

i agree with you alison - i can't blame him - home is a lovely place to be. But, i look after him (mainly) 24/7 and do appreciate the chance to take a breather and do things like shopping, renovating, reading etc. on my day off. i just felt the need to express myself this AM, that's all, b/c i felt a lot of different things. I also think i now have more energy for the rest of the week....but i don't mind a difference of opinion.

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poppyg

Me - 37
DH - 39

  #5      

They know what to say!

I use to wrk in day care and the kids used to say all types of things to try to go home Gee that sounds good not what I ment. They know what is going to make you feel bad and they think that tey will be able to go home. He prob settles in couple of mins I think I had this Idea for some else not long ago put in a disposable camrea in the bag and ask staff to take photos at day care you can develop them an talk about how much fun he us having there and make everything positive. Could even turn it into a book for him. I worked with a little boy at my day care who took a little longer to settle in.

Good luck I know how you feel I hate droping bub off to family day care on my wrk days you feel so guilty and they know that . Be strong you will get there!!!

lve Col
Bree is now 10 mths Yeah

  #6      

looking up

hey breemummy; yeah that was me u suggested the disposable camera thing to and things are heaps better with childcare now and i have to say those pictures have made a BIG difference i think (thankyou!!!! ). on the AM he goes we usually get them out (b/c he still says he doesn't want to go) but then talks about all his friends and shows me them in the photo. then at night he usually requests the photos again and it's just great to get conversations going about what happened that day.

I'm really appreciating the break. and last monday it was a fantastic opportunity to have some one-on-one time with DS1 b/c he had a pupil-free day. We caught the bus together into town (first public one he's taken - and he was so goggle eyed about everything ) and it was SO much fun doing this with him. It was a different - and much more peaceful - relationship than when the 2 boys are together.

thanku everyone for the support - i appreciate it

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poppyg

Me - 37
DH - 39

  #7      

resilience +++

Sounds like you are BOTH building resilience.......and that's good.

Kids also look to us for their cues and I think if you stayed warm and positive about the whole experience then that's all good. ( even if you are dying a thousand deaths inside eh? )

My daughter, now 10, says still as we drive past her former childcare centre, "oh that's my childcare centre,". I always note with relief that she does not say, " oh that's where you made me go one afternoon a week and i hated it....."

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:::iona:::

  #8      

Which reminds me!

Both my sons blurted out negative comments about childcare that I had organised when I first made attempts to work a couple of days per week and to rebuild my life. They were 4 and 6 then. Now at age 7 and 9 they have put into words those things that they didn't like and the reality of events as they experienced it.
Home is a great place...it's the nest. Our needs as a mother often are overlooked and our social structures do not value what we do. Well, who gets paid for being a mum? Who gets holidays and coffee breaks?
When we need a break it is hard to come by and there are many adjustments and mental hurdles that we have to adapt and move through. Often we a left holding the baby and everyone arounds us goes about doing what they do and don't notice that we are in need. I would have given anything for someone to allow me to be me just for a while and then I worked out that even if I did get the opportunity to be on my own that my mind was more concerned about how my children were. I relaxed and worked on what it was that was triggering my desire to have some time out. That was where the real need was. Funnily there was no need to be away from my children.