how much is enough?

This might sound silly but... I know I should want to play with my kids, but sometimes I don't.

How much play / time with them is enough? How much 'my time' can I endulge in at the expense of spending quallity time with them? Is it enough to take them to a playground but talk to the other mums? Is it enough to have read a book to my DS2 but be on the computer when I could be playing with him? (guilt free now b/c he's sleeping! ). I know there's no real black and white answer to this, but does anyone else go through these dilemmas?

The other thing is, sometimes I've gone all out for them - like we've had a great morning at the beach or something and they come home and say "mummy will u play with me?" And what, I wonder, have I been doing all morning? Kids are happily insatiable like that, but where do u draw the line?

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poppyg

Me - 37
DH - 39

  #2      

time balance?

You know my Granny used to say when we would go and stay, that she had to work all morning ( this was on a farm and there was heaps to do ) but she was all ours in the afternoon.......

...........so mornings we learned to milk cows, separate milk, make the butter, scald the cream, feed shearers, collect the eggs, makes scones, do dishes, prune fruit trees, plant veggies, feed lambs and piglets, hull almonds, sweep the verandah ect etc

..........and afternoons we'd play house under the grapevines, serve her snail compote on grapevine leaves in the dolls tea set, paint masterpieces with paintbrushes on the red concrete verandah in water, make mud pies, pick dandelions and make daisy chains for her ........

the point was I guess that the house and yard work has to be done and we did it along side her and she was old enough that she needed a rest after lunch so she'd just sit with us and let us do all that stuff with her whereas my Mum was still busy with more heavy farm work.

I don't think you ought to stress about playing with your kids....let them be with you, listen to them, and speak with them whatever you do.

In the end I think it's not what we do FOR our kids it's about what we do WITH them that matters.

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:::iona:::

  #3      

great advice!

thanks so much :::iona:::, your advice is really helpful, and helps to take 'the guilts' away. I think your advice is best when life is really busy, and since writing my post I've thought about ways to enjoy my 2yo's company while doing house stuff - and realizing that this time can be relationship building and fun for him too.

Since my post I've thought about my priorities too and realized that I can get a bit too caught up in 'my stuff'. I now try and have a bit of one on one time with DS2 after the school drop off and have found it a good way to start the day (bit like your granny but in reverse). I still feel dilemmas of how much 'my stuff' and 'their stuff' to make time for, but I've found lately that the more I expect to enjoy their company - whatever I'm doing - the more I do.

thanks again

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poppyg

Me - 37
DH - 39

  #4      

how much is enough

Hi,

My kiddies are now 10 and 13 and sometimes they now read or hear what I am saying about being a mum, interesting, and sometimes we have talked about my talking about being a mum (though generally after about 30 seconds its all blah blah blah). But I am still equally engrossed myself and struggling with the issues. There is a lot of talk about what it means to be a 'good mother' around and that we are talking on board all sorts of pressures when trying to work out whats right and whats wrong in any given situation. It seems to me that any opportunity to talk things out, air our heads on things, helps in this sorting process and thus the value of venues like this. They also say that there is a lot of judgment going on which can have the affect of silencing, or making it difficult for people to talk - thus a venue like this is valuable because of the ananimity, great, more power to the site. I think its great to get out all those pros and cons that we are dealing with daily and sometimes not even realise they are there. This particular one I had and still have difficulty with.

One little tip that I came across some years ago and now think is very worthy. I know a German woman who is very creative and was always doing wonderfully creative activities with her kids. At some point she joined a German play group here in Canberra and what they used to do when they got together was the mum's planned an activity for themselves. They made cheese, they tried out various painting techniques (just two things that I know of) and when they got together the mum's did an activity and the kids helped out. Looking back, I think this is a really good way to go. Little kids love to help their mum's doing things. I found with mine that if I set things up for them to do an activity quite often once they got the idea that I was trying to get them to do often they would back off - oh yer what's mum doing (they are still like that). Whereas for some years now my daughter (and sometimes son) and I work on a project together and it works much better. They really do want to be able to help and contribute to the end product and its satisfying for me because I also get the satisfaction from the end project.

what do ya reckon?? cheers, Ginalol

  #5      

oh yeah...

I think that's a great point to make Ginalol, the letting them do with us.

It's kind of like what I was getting it more prosaically above.....sometimes you just have to let them into what you're doing. Play really for children is exploring their environment and practising the skills they are going to need in life. If those skills are going to include thinking aloud and analysis then that is part of their play. If it's going to be housework ( and that is everyone in my opinion! ) then that's good too...

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:::iona:::

  #6      

Cooking with kids

Ok, you lot, you've inspired me, I love to cook, but baking hasn't been my thing since my # 2 arrived (hmmm, that was 3+ years ago now, time to get over it, perhaps?) so I'm off to buy some oats & make some anzac's with my girls, I know they'll love doing it with me, but i'm a bit of a control freak in my kitchen, so it's time for me to learn some new skills! I think that was the world's longest ~and worst~ sentence! Sorry!

I'll tell you how it goes!

Cookiemother2 is going to cook with her 2 kids!

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Cookiemother2
"Bubble" born 2 July 2007.

  #7      

What's 'play' anyway?

Once kids are at preschool/school age, it's actually more 'practicing' - like playing with dolls, making mud pies, racing cars - there's a parallel to the real world.

Son now asks to 'help' in whatever I'm doing - so I let him spray, wipe the table/benchtops, collect the pegs, hand me washed clothes etc. Sometimes peels the carrots, get's the ingredients out of the fridge.

He's grown out of wanting to use the vacuum cleaner all the time - finally - was destorying my indoor plants by sucking out the dirt and pulling of their leaves!

I'll also wrestle, tickle and romp with him; chase him around the backyard - little spurts of activity. But I don't organise his play - he initates it. Means I don't have to entertain him and he is never 'bored'!!

The TV/N64 isn't the centre of his life. He loves dancing to music and has worked out how to turn the CD player on. Recently discovered my best of 80s hits - Agadoo, Moscow are on repeat!! Groan.