Decided not to Tell

name: Anonymous

date entered: 17/04/08

country: Australia

story:

Thanks to IVF we have a BEAUTIFUL 8 month old daughter who is now the centre of our world and each day we look at her and feel so blessed. We fell pregnant using the ICSI technology and were incredibly lucky to fall pregnant in the 1st cycle. I know we are one of the lucky one's and my heart goes out to all couples going through the IVF treadmill.

I sometimes look back and reflect on what we have been through and how far we have come. I remember it like it was yesterday sitting in the Dr's surgery when we were told my husband had no sperm - not that there was a few but actually NO sperm. From there it was an anxious 2 week wait to see the fertility specialist and like when you buy a new car, you look for your car on the road - well everywhere we looked we saw these kids and happy families. It was like rubbing salt in a wound and was so hurtful. Friends all around us were falling pregnant and it seemed to be so easy for them. We kept thinking why us, what did we do wrong.

Now after coming as far as we have and wanting more children our worries have expanded to can we have more children, will we be lucky again, can we afford it, how long emotionally can we put ourselves through it. We have several embryo's frozen which we already consider our children - what happens to them, I can't destroy them????? I don't think anyone can understand what you are going through until they have experienced it themselves.

For this reason my husband and I decided not to tell anyone about our journey, I guess because we didn't want their sympathy and we didn't want them to view our daughter any different. But sometimes when I feel cheated and a little angry about it I want to tell my friends and I want their sympathy and I want them to know that they shouldn't take it for granted; how easy it is for them to get pregnant when there are so many people that have to take the long road to have kids - if at all. I want them to know that it costs us thousands of $ each attempt and that is something they will never have to complain about.

This happens in waves.  but each time I look at my daughter and I am just thankful, grateful and do my best to loose the negativity. Parenting is such a life changing journey that no matter what people tell you I don't think you can be prepared until it actually happens and now we wouldn't want it any other way!!! I have chosen the colour red because to me it reflects different moods - excitement, frustration, fun, sunny, upbeat etc.

Administrators note: title was not provided so made one on basis of content.  On a personal note - this story reminds me what a miracle motherhood is, and also the unique journey that ART mums go through. 

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